My Life Like A Ticking Contraption Gushes Into Uncertainty (2)

I will explicitly reveal my metaphor for this...

our old apartment's hole-littered roof.

Yes, I don't know if it's just the unusually dark skies in the middle of the solstice or something else, deep rooted or not in the unconscious--but I really feel it.

My life like a ticking contraption, again, gushes into uncertainty.

...the unusual heavy rain since Sunday was too much for our roof. After so many years of basking naked below the elements, rain drops are now starting to fall one by one inside our dwelling. And nothing evokes "decrepit" than the sound of water drops on a basin while the muffled acoustics of rain continue a-one-piece-orchestra outside.

Today my dad asked me what are my plans, over breakfast*...

such a difficult question to answer in so many levels.

Though I appreciate his support in this "un"financially motivated endeavor of mine (seriously, who the f'ck studies literature anyway), the reality--of unpaid bills, utang sa 5-6, and left-and-right " pasubalis--is getting harder to ignore. Each time I see our cupboard left wanting or our ice and water stocked refrigerator I feel an ache, an acute prick to my heart.

Sometimes pakiramdam ko medyo loser ako. Kasi I'm sure napag-isip-isip na ng mga kapitbahay namin kung bakit nangungutang parin yung nanay ko eh nandito naman na ako, gradweyt ng UP. Parehas nito ang aking pagtataka kung bakit naghihirap ang mga magulang ko ngayon kahit hindi naman na ako humihingi ng pera sa kanila. Pero pucha nga, baon palang ng mga kapatid ko sa school pati pang grocery linggo-linggo eh halos sweldo ko buwan-buwan.

bakit ganun, parang tragedy pa ang malaman ang gusto mo talagang gawin sa buhay.

*Gushes into uncertainty.