Precipice, Whatever

I think I'm already there.

My boss talked to me last week about my "performance" at work.
Apparently my "heavy" mood has started affecting the people I work with--
I really thought it was ok, as long as I just stay quiet and do the job, come to work on time...i'll be ok.

not really. I was told that the company wanted drive and commitment and if I'm just staying for the money then it's unfair.

what is wrong with me? the pay's good, it ain't stressful--why can't i just shut up and like it? I'm really starting to feel guilty and all--I'm an office liability and instead of getting sacked my boss was kind enough to give me another chance. my worry is, i can't deliver--

but I don't wanna leave because of the bonus. because of the next summer trip abroad...
i'm being selfish. I can't get through the day w/o getting "noticeably" irritated with an AE who's simply asking me for some revisions and shit. I'm being selfish if I keep jeopardizing the account when the other art directors are working hard to finish it on time.

all this shit just because i really don't want to be in front of that computer-- for just not really liking the work. I want to bash my head against the wall to hemorrhage some sense in it. 'You need money for food!'

and the worst part? they've been nice to me.

Shit. I'm the lousy officemate.

I think I'd better go.
Bago pa mawalan ng respeto saken ang mga tao.

Ngayon saan ako pupunta?
hindi ko alam.

Dapat siguro'y magpalit na ako ng industriya.
...and the abyss stares at me.