Francis Bacon and How I See Art

HEAD VI
How macabre and grotesque? How thought provoking.
The brush strokes, the pose, the glass cage.

The Francis Bacon exhibition at the Metropolitan Museum of Art just simply inspired me to talk about it, in this hot afternoon with my person swamped with work. I don't know what has gotten into me--but it has happened twice now. First was last Sunday when I was in my room and chanced upon "Tim Marlow on... Picasso" while channel surfing. Immediately, after half-way through the documentary--witnessing the evolution of Picasso as an artist, seeing his inspiration like Ingres and Velasquez--inspired me. I just had this incredible urge to be artistic, to draw something--and I drew my face on the mirror dresser at the back of my journal. I haven't drawn anything since I started working.

STUDY FOR A PORTRAIT
I just find myself just drawn to images of despair
and loneliness. What does that say about me?

And now, seeing Bacon's work inspires me again--like right now I just want to paint something--a nude, a grotesque nude, still life, a still life of garbage cans and sewage waste--anything.

Have you ever asked yourself if you are an artist? Like when people come up to you and ask what do you do, do you say you're an "artist" ? I've never really said it out loud. I didn't even felt it when I was in Art school. "Well, I'm an Artist of course." Yet it is really strange, that now I feel it more than ever before--I didn't know why I have so much self doubt in that place before... it always seemed like I was in Fine Arts as a joke. But now that I am out of Art School, the supposedly "liberal" environment for artists, I think it gave me the "liberation" I needed... to exceed the trappings of criticism that stifles one's creative energy....

I don't know why "realism" like in literature has taken such a hold in art. I thank my lit major for letting me see that. My Art School was kinda backwards in a way--no it was Medieval! Cause it seemed to all my classmates including I--that "realism" was the only kind of art there was. No one said it, but I was sure everyone felt the same way. Have you ever been in a figure drawing class where in all that mattered was reproducing the thing in front of you as "real" as possible? where in you got so conscious and frustrated at how some of your classmate's works were more "real" than yours--and then you get this massive self-doubt that you really are no good? that you're just second rate?

I did.

And I resent my college for that. cause what the fuck is art anyway? what do you mean REAL? Alas! you then realize that it's all just a question of power. who propagates the "reality"...the ancient Greeks? the Dadaists? your Art professor? --my school hasn't even heard of the postmodern I think.

you are the artist! let your work define what it is real! in a way we are all gods. Hahaha I never pictured my classmates like that before. Imagine us in the drawing studio, titans, gods! bickering, sneering, inspiring, insisting--we were a bunch of fuckers.

THREE STUDIES FOR FIGURES AT THE BASE OF A CRUCIFIXION
This is where I first encountered the word "triptych" and I've
always associated them with Bacon ever since. What was he thinking
while painting these? They resemble the Furies don't they?

Feeling like I've left all these baggage behind, now I feel that I could paint something. I feel like for the first time I wanted to paint just because I am inspired to. To express myself!

And no wonder... why I never even thought of becoming a lawyer, a doctor, an engineer... It was always just the liberal arts for me. it is just simply because I am an artist. I am.