Breathing Lesson

Message from the Fr.

Pain.

Pain is necessary to make us real.

Pain is a part of life.

Life is difficult.

We are survivors.

We are made of strong stuff.


***

I guess that proves my motto then: "Don't give life a hard time."
In other words don't expect too much.

Yeah.

I ask the air why do I have to work for a living when some people my age go backpacking to Europe indefinitely w/o any real need/motivation to work. And at the other end of the spectrum I ask the air how some people my age work seven days a week indefinitely to earn something for something that resembles a meal (everyday).


I see myself in the middle. And alas, like my fave literary heroes I feel like I have to start something, anything.

I'm obsessed with doing something meaningful nowadays. I mean, the world can fuck itself for all I care but I want to leave a meaningful lifetime for It. It doesn't have to be recorded in the annals of history (though I wouldn't mind) but in the barest sense I want to channel meaningful energy that the earth can utilize in positive cycles before my body moves on and becomes another form of it (...energy is neither created nor destroyed....").

I really want to leave something meaningful behind. Though going down in obscurity is ok. After all--ashes to ashes nuff' said. But yeah...I hope when I look back I won't regret my time spent here much.

***

But from the time it took me to realize how much I wanted it, how much I was ready to give. share. feel. And from the time it took me to realize how much it was unrequited...I am staggered at how easily I vacuum-zip locked the whole thing,
yes. yes. yes.

into my icebox.