Escapism

If ever i get the chance to get out of this country. I'll go to europe. To my dreamy destinations

paris and london.

its been a long time dream of mine. to live in either of the two. to breathe the air of my literary gods. to get in their lost in the backroads and alley ways. to concoct existential musings in a seedy cafe.

thinking of it just peps me up. in my london or paris. i am happy. during the summer, when the unbearable heat blazes at my room, while the hot air blows from the electric fan. i think of my london flat or my paris apartment.

its what ive always dreamed of.

London. to be in london with its ubiquitous dreary weather. Paris. to be in Paris with the tune of an accordion accompanying me at every corner.

how i await the day for the chance.

ive been contemplating the idea of going to these places "para makipagsapalaran"
i mean ill buy a one way ticket with a month's worth of money and never comeback.
how would i survive? i dunno.

all i know is
im alive but i dont feel like im living.

im only here once. why not undertake an ultimate adventure.
a big big road trip.

if i die soon.
so what.

i think im not cut for advertising. thinking of the next big idea is great. but the fact that it takes so much of you is thing that i dont like. to be chained at your desk almost 12 hours for five days of the week. to go home dead tired and to wake up to do it all over again.

but i think any kind of work is like that.

but is that living? yeah the pay is good. but what's the money for if you can't enjoy it.

this real world was tougher than i thought.

i miss having time for myself. to read a book when i want to. to watch tv when i want to. to just lie thinking of nothing when i want to.

maybe i should live in the mountains or something.

i just want to get lost.

ive always felt that i was a hermit.

its something that im not bothered.

i think its what i am and i have accepted it already. you know.
just to live for myself and die alone?

why not.

is it really that bad?

oh

how things have changed.