All's Fair

I'm here at the kitchen typing. The 20-inch TV I bought (from my previous job's last pay) is on. It's a Saturday afternoon, and I'm on the dining table, alone. Haven't had a bath since yesterday morning and I feel like a damp force field surrounds me. I'm a bit sleepy since we we're at the Vet's place at 7am.

I am boiling some water thinking of eating some pasta with olive oil and garlic. Out of basil though but I'm up for a little compromise. I love the back to back design shows on Discovery Travel & Living during this time of day. Most of them all feature European countries, which feeds my need to "get out" even if it's temporary. I'm drawn to European settings solely because I've built ideas around them. So when I think of "my London" I think of Amis and Mcewan--with "my" Paris, well it's all mainly of Marcel and "Amelie".

I'm thinking of going to the mall and buy a dictionary but it seems I've spent enough money for the day. I misplaced the mini-dictio I lug around when reading and I've gotten a little tired of getting the meaning through "context clues" lately. My cat spaying-castrating project is costing me a fortune (we have 5). So my financial resources are suffering until next month (what's new?). It's amazing that after almost 8 months working I haven't actually saved anything(Even more amazing, how it feels like a lifetime). I haven't bought anything extravagant but all I've earned has managed, up to this point, to vanish. They've disappeared among urban life's necessities. Nowadays, I actually see how hard it is to earn a living. As in the parental maxim, "Hindi tinatae ang pera." has a striking blow I've never felt before. I can't imagine that a large chunk of Filipinos live on a 5-8,00 Php monthly salary with families to feed when I can barely make mine last till next month's paycheck. I know I must save up for a house one day, for what, I don't know.

At 21 I ask myself, as I've done when I was 13 and 16, "Will I ever leave this place?"

There's nothing for me here.

Now, what if I never do?